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i am having a hard time talking to Joshua these days.
tend to miscommunicate. the message doesn't gets through.
i don't know the problem lies in who. likely in both.
i find it tiring talking to him...

last Tues, i had late lessons till 4pm.
he ended far earlier at 12pm.
i told him to go home first since his Mum was chasing him.
but he wanted to wait. and i had to go to FCUK to change my shirt.
he refused to leave school and he didn't have lunch either.
by the time we got to Suntec, he was tired, hungry and late.
but everywhere's closed.
he started to throw temper.

look. i already told him to go home first.
and he should have eaten if he's hungry coz i had lunch already.
the canteen's open.
about FCUK, i can alwiz go myself to get my top replaced.
doesn't help if his Mum is chasing him.
i appreciate you waiting up for me long enough,
but since you did it willingly. then don't take it out on me.

there's nothing to talk to him about.
he's alwiz talking about school and his courses.
well, it's not that i don't want to help him but i can't do anything.
i can't dispense any wise advice either coz we've been through different situations.
so i can only listen.
apart from school, there's nothing we really talk about.
we have very varied interests too.
there's no common topic whatsoever.

certainly, when i am bored. i will ask him for ideas about how to self entertain.
the thing is this: when i complain that i'm bored,
means i am indirectly asking whether you wanna go out with me.
i am not asking you to suggest what i can do with my free time.
so everytime he suggests watching Amazing Race or American Idol. i will snap at him.
coz he didn't ask whether i wanna go out; and he jolly knows i don't like reality tv!
if you know me well enough, you won't suggest tv. get my argument here?

i've not seen him for the LNY PH break.
he's busy visiting so i rather he rest at home than rush out and see me.
knowing his Dad, he wants Joshua to be home whether or not they are going out.
i am fine doing my own stuff. i can do without seeing him for a few days.
so stop asking why i don't wanna meet you, but revise your own time schedule and energy.

Joshua feels that i am snapping at him too often lately.
maybe. i probably have been snapping at him too much for good.
well. then don't talk to me lah. don't see me, don't bother about me.
then i won't snap at you.
coz instead of helping, you tend to make things worst.
when girls grumble or lament,
they only want you to listen to them whine and keep your mouth shut.
they are not asking for suggestions. they just need an outlet.

nway, Joshua's not been feeling good lately.
whatever.
it's not that i don't put him in first place or think about him when i am making decisions.
maybe many of you would think that i care for Jared more than i care for Josh.
but Jared is like a kid, i need to worry about him. he constantly upsetting me.
i don't need to worry for Joshua. he doesn't upset me at all. not even once.
i know he'll be able to handle problems on his own.
he is also old enough to plan out his schedules etc and prioritize his time.
that's the difference.

i don't know lah.
i'm feeling vexed. i don't know what to do.
and Joshua is not a person who speaks his mind coz he don't wanna offend me.
cetain things, the more you dont't resolve them. the more complicated they become.

posted by Veen @ 22:51